perceptual problems
I was just wondering something. Does anyone else ever have problems with the interface of memory and perception? Back when I was in highschool, I spent a summer on an odd sleep scheduel which combined with a fair amount of isolation from others lead to some really bizzare things. (It is part of why I haven't even tried drugs. My reality is fragile enough.) I'm not talking about hallucinations or anything. I was on a 30 something hour day cycle where I'd be up for 20 or more hours then I'd sleep for a long time. All summer I had a compressed time sense, a bit of bleed over between my dreams and reality, to the point that I was uncertian were the dreams ended. Not that's not right. It wasn't the dreams. I daydream a lot, playing with thoughts and scenarios and such, and these things would occasionally become partof my memory of the past. This isn't reading right. I don't have the words to describe it very well. The scenarios and such weren't well defined entities to begin with, and I wasn't usually consciously building them like I do while I write. The telescoping of my time sense caused me to have some questions as to which parts were real and which were fancies (at the time that they were occuring.) A sort of breakdown of causality, but that's the wrong word too. I'm sorry, I'm not getting the core of this down in writing properly, in part because either the language or I lack the words I need. It was more of a fuzzyness of the border of perception versus memory. Well, that is for the most part unimportant. What I really want tot talk about is now.
Since that summer, I have had similar things happen, usually when I'm tired, but some times just when things fall too much into a set pattern. I lose track of the sequence of events and in short instances I lose a sense of this point in time being unique. In the very rare longer instances I can get a serious sense of what is happening now has happened before is happening before has happened now. It isn't exactly a sense of loss of self, but more of a loss of the borders of self. I'm not claiming that I have visions or extended perception when these things happen, in fact all of it occurs within the same bounds of my skull that all of the rest of my perceptions do.
Ooh! I just remembered a third phenominon that is similar to the above. When I dream, sometimes as part of the dream I get memories of things past. Actually, that usually leads directly to a state of lucid dreaming for me. I am usually well aware that these memories aren't part of my daily life and that lets me realize that it is a dream. The problem is that when this happens I still can't determine of the memories are unique to this particular dream or if they are, as they seem when I examne them in the dream, memories of a previous dream in sequence with this one. That feeling is what I'm talking about above.
Well, last night I had another one of these perceptional glitches, and since I've given them no small amount of thought, I was aware of it while it was happening (by the way, they feel very similar to the mode I get in while going from plotting to fleshing a story out in my head, but they began well before I seriously started writing anything but adventures which I approach in a very different manner) and, like the last dozen or so tiems I have had this happen I tried to analyse/remember it. I jumped too soon on it and now only remember recognising it for what it was and none of the details of it. Well, anybody have sexperience with something at all like that which they'd like to share?
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